AN ABSURD AND MEANINGLESS LIFE

I reached Thiruvananthapuram at about 5.30 in the evening. Actually I proceeded from Perumbavoor at 10 in the morning. Really a tedious journey.

After getting down at Thampanoor bus-station I briskly walked to a nearby hotel and after washing my face in the wash-basin to get refreshed, I moved towards an empty seat. As it was very near to the bus-station and the crowd, traffic, the hustle and bustle increasing day by day, it was quite natural that the hotel was running a brisk business throughout. During my previous visits to the capital city also it was the same case.

After having a single tea and paying the bill I walked out and looked for an autorickshaw coming my way. Meanwhile the street-lights opened their eyes and within no time an empty auto came to my side and driver applied the brake. The auto-driver might have seen me from a distance and sensed my purpose.

A khaki-clad, young dark man with a trimmed moustache and a clean-shaven face- he had a baritone voice. I told him my destination and he immediately got alerted and drove the autorickshaw down the road to the place.

In normal times, ie. While I am not in a hurry and in a happy mood, it is my hobby to pass my glances to the both sides and enjoy sights- the crowd rushing to and fro and Thiruvananthapuram being endowed with numerous monuments built during the period of kings, it is a treat to watch the ancient monuments, the roadside-greenery and marvel at their beauty.

But on that day I was somewhat in a pensive mood, and being a bit late, I couldn’t enjoy the sights and didn’t feel like so. I simply shut my eyes and sat as if in meditation. I wanted to have a nap, but couldn’t. His picture was in my mind alongside memories connected with him and his deadly disease and helplessness in the old-age.

The auto-driver being a smart guy dropped me infront of the sanatorium without taking much time. I paid him the auto-charge and strode towards the world of pain, groaning, sneezing, medicines, emaciated or breathing skeletons bereft of flesh and blood.

The twilight Sun was about to go down in the West, the Sanatorium was bathed in beautiful golden rays, and soon darkness would slowly engulf the whole area.

From a distance I could recognize him. Under the red shadow of a gulmohar tree bearing beautiful and blooming red flowers in the shape of glowing red umbrella,( upon seeing those flowers I was pondering over the absurd and meaningless life) he was sitting alone on a bench casting his eyes to the outside world as if waiting for somebody to receive him. He was clad in his same old ‘kavi (saffron) mundu’ (dhoti)- breathing skeleton spending his last days with much pain and sadness.

“Valiyachaa” (step-father – my father’s elder one)- I called him and bowed down before him. As if from a dream he came out from his world of thoughts or memories (?) , saw me standing before him with folded-palms. My eyes were welling up and tears were about to run down my cheeks.

He cast a beaming smile on me and with his failing eyes glowed with joy hidden inside the sockets- that was how I felt- gestured me to sit beside him on the bench.

“Atleast once in a day, I think about you, my child. Whenever I thought about you I felt immense joy, pride, affection and at the same time I underwent deep mental agony, was hopefully awaiting your arrival. Anyhow your father, when he came to see me yesterday assured me that you would come today and promised me to send you- I just wanted to see you atleast for a moment. Now I am very happy. How is your life now ?- he beamed a smile at me.
“Going on Valiyacha”. I was at a loss to say anything more. A lump in my throat prevented me from telling more about my wife and children.

The patients were inside the Sanatorium lying in their cots. I could hear them coughing with much difficulty, their broken prayers, murmurings, groaning and even cries with excruciating pain. I noticed with shock some betel leaves, one or two pieces of tobacco, small pieces of arecanut, lime and a little knife on his right side on a piece of paper.

“Valiyacha, you have not yet stopped chewing tobacco? It is very harmful. Please don’t take it Valiyacha”- I was literally beseeching him with welling eyes.

“When it is too late, why should I stop it my child? Will there be any benefit by stopping it at this eleventh hour”?- he was asking me still with his beaming smile- I sat there spell-bound. I didn’t know what to tell him.

I saw him smiling to the darkness. He might have been thinking about the absurdity of his existence.

He picked up the whole item beside him and wrapped them in the paper and asked me to throw it away.

Without any hesitation I obeyed his words. “Child, it is very late now. Thick darkness. You have to catch the bus and return home. Before that, just hold my hand and guide me to the bed”. I obeyed him. In the lighted hall, I saw cots lying from one end to the other end, all packed to capacity with patients all around, I held his hand and guided him to his cot and took out an envelope stuffed with some currencies from my pocket and handed over to him. I saw his eyes brimming with tears and unable to bear the agony I turned my face away…

“You may go soon, You have to travel a long distance. With all my blessings to my child,….”- he couldn’t complete his words and without bidding farewell to him, I hurriedly went out and wept like a child, while walking to the road in front to catch an autorickshaw…